Radical Acceptance & Recovering From Addiction
“Not giving a fuck does not mean being indifferent, it means being comfortable with being different.” - Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck
While this pull quote may grab your attention due to the use of the “fuck” the message that is buried below the surface is the definition of radical acceptance. As recovering addicts the practice of radical acceptance is vital in every stage of our recovery because as our understanding of oneself evolves, so does our understanding of the world around us and our place in it. We are preached at very regularly in society to just “live and let live” backed up by actions of demanding others to accept us.
How can anyone ever accept you if you cannot accept yourself? Acceptance doesn't mean resignation like Manson so perfectly states. It also does not mean that the circumstance magically disappears or that we will ever feel better about it. However, it does mean that the impact and emotions evoked are present whether we accept it. The goal then becomes to avoid layering the pain and further intensifying and exacerbating what is our harsh reality.
So what is our harsh reality? Plain and simple. That we are recovering addicts incapable of participating in certain activities that are ingrained so deeply into our society that it will take far more than our own distaste of that reality for it to change. In knowing, understanding, and accepting this reality we begin our evolution from feeling alone to feeling free. This is not a freedom from addiction nor our need to practice daily mindfulness.
Radical acceptance is not a cure but it helps us in recovery turn the corner from the attitudes of “It’s not fair”; “It shouldn’t be this way”; and “I wish it were different.” toward acceptance of things as they are. This may come off as rather blunt but we have to remove our emotions and personal attachments and see “just the facts” of a situation. After we have observed the facts, then we create space for all our emotions. We allow ourselves to lean into the discomfort of painful and uncomfortable ones, remembering no feeling lasts forever. If you sit with them, they’ll eventually rise, fall, and come and go, much like a hill or ocean waves.
A great example of this is in Noah Levine’s Against The Stream, where he explains radical acceptance through the story of Sid and Mara. Mara attempted to trick Sid into recanting his ways by appealing to Sid’s ego and insecurities. But Sid dissolved Mara by offering them a comfortable seat and some tea. Mara would stay for a while but eventually, they grew bored and left. Sid remained free and undisturbed.
We must understand that life is precarious and the world is full of millions of perspectives outside our own. That thinking “why is life happening to me” is a victim mindset we can transcend to understand that life is happening and we are all part of it. Radical acceptance improves our life by creating habits and coping skills to compassionately heal.
We do recover!
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Enjoy this guided meditation from Refuge Recovery that assists us in finding radical acceptance within oneself.